And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
