i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
