I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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