I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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