remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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