on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
