it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
