Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
