her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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