ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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