Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
