I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
