You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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