Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
