Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
