bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
