Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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