When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
