I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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