I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can Purell be used as lube?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
