Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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