I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
