whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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