They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
