new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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