Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
