he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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