the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
