yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
