that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
