I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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