im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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