Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
