You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
