Non-Jews are for practice
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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