she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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