I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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