Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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