You really coming over, don't trick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
