I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
