So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
