Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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