She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
