Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
