Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
