So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
