Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
