Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
