Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
