I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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